


Unlikely Lovers

by Panda_Birds



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Fake Dating, Fluff, M/M, Marvin is a mess, Modern AU, Self Indulgent Drivel basically, lesbians next door get married!, more tags might be added later on idk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2019-10-27 13:11:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17767418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Panda_Birds/pseuds/Panda_Birds
Summary: Marvin hates Whizzer Brown, Jason's new baseball coach at school, and the feeling is pretty mutual. However, he also hates his tight-knit family thinking that he's doomed to be a sad, single loser for the rest of his life. So when he insists on bringing a plus one to the lesbians' destination wedding in Greece, the fact that he isn't actually dating anyone at the moment poses a bit of a problem. Unfortunately for him, he doesn't get out much and there's only one other gay man he knows.... a certain very obnoxious, insufferable, and very attractive little league coach...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first multichapter in this fandom, I hope you guys like it! My thanks to Eljay and Haley for beta'ing this and for putting up with me constantly second-guessing myself.  
> Comments are much appreciated, thank you!

“Marvin, it should not be a chore to pick up your own son from baseball practise.” Trina’s voice was, as was usual when speaking to him, sharp and annoyed. (A personal improvement for Trina, from when it used to be tired and resigned, but a great inconvenience for Marvin).

 

“Can’t he just spend the night with me, then?” Marvin truly wanted to spend more time with Jason, but he was not in favour of picking him up from coaching for a sport Marvin detested in order to drive him over to his ex-wife’s house (which was, strictly speaking,  _ his  _ house).

 

“No. Just do it.” Trina hung up the phone and Marvin sighed. It was his day off and he’d been lounging about at home all day, and the prospect of having to put respectable clothing on and go outside was just downright annoying. Especially if it was to see a bunch of pre-pubescent little league baseball players who were all sweaty and muddy ( _ how  _ they got so dirty, Marvin would never know. They were all so bad at the game because they barely moved around), screaming with their shrill voices as they bounced around. (Except Jason, of course. Jason was generally more composed and mature, and Marvin was so proud of him).

 

The worst part of going to pick up Jason from baseball, however, was the new temporary baseball coach who’d been instated after the old coach had gotten one too many baseballs to the head, and had been forced to take a leave of absence.  _ He  _ had been nice and civil and had never spoken more than a few words to Marvin, and Marvin had liked him. The new coach was, to put it bluntly, a fucking dick.

 

The first time Marvin had met him hadn’t even been on the baseball court (was that what it was called? Marvin couldn’t be bothered to care), but rather inside Jason’s school when he’d gone to pick his son up to take him home for the weekend. They’d literally run right into each other in the corridor. Marvin’s first impression of the man was that he was extremely attractive, and his second impression was that it didn’t matter how good-looking (or downright  _ pretty _ ) he was, he was clearly an  _ asshole. _ It was the beginning of a beautiful animosity between the two as they fought over whose fault it was and who hadn’t been paying attention to where he was walking, before Jason finally turned up and loudly asked why his father was yelling at his new baseball coach. Marvin, who’d thought that the man wearing ridiculously tight designer clothes and who had far too much product in his hair couldn’t  _ possibly  _ be a teacher (even though he didn’t look  _ at all  _ like a parent), was so surprised that Jason was able to drag him away before he could do any further damage. (Why was he even  _ in  _ designer clothing anyway? Shouldn’t he have been wearing some sort of sporting uniform? Preferably involving shorts?)

 

They’d met dozens of times since then, and each meeting was as unpleasant as the first. On Marvin’s part, he conceded that perhaps his loud and unabashed disdain for baseball was not helping things, but neither were Whizzer’s sneers or his obvious “I’m-only-being-civil-to-you-because-it’s-part-of-my-job” tone.

 

 Unfortunately for Marvin, Jason really,  _ really _ liked Whizzer Brown. He  _ adored  _ the man. Marvin couldn’t for the life of him see why. He was obnoxious, snooty, self-centered and nothing more than a useless pretty boy who happened to be good at a useless sport. But Jason never stopped talking about him. As it turned out, the day Marvin had met the man (“met” being a broad term here) had been Whizzer’s first day. Jason hadn’t stopped talking about him since. Whenever Marvin asked about school or Jason’s classes or extracurriculars, Whizzer was always brought up, leaving Marvin to seethe as his son’s eyes lit up in a way that they never did when talking to  _ him. _

 

Marvin grumbled to himself about Whizzer the entire drive, finally arriving at Jason’s school. He parked the car and then walked to the baseball… ground?? Field??

 

When he got there, he found Jason deep in conversation with Whizzer, talking to him excitedly. Marvin felt a pang of jealousy. He walked up to them. “Hey Jason! I’m picking you up today, your mom and Mendel are busy.”

 

“But I was just talking to Whizzer!”

 

“I’m sure Mr. Brown has to go home too, Jason. I don’t think he can talk to you all night,” said Marvin. Jason’s face fell, and Marvin immediately regretted his words. It was a  _ good  _ thing that Jason had found any kind of friend, he really shouldn’t be s _ o  _ harsh-

 

“Don’t listen to your dad, Jason, I’d love to talk to you all night, you’re fun to talk to! But you should probably go home and eat something, ok?” Whizzer cut in. Jason smiled again and Marvin bristled.

 

“Okay. Thanks Whizzer! See you tomorrow!”

 

“See you tomorrow, Jason!” Whizzer grinned and put his hand up for a high-five, and then ruffled Jason’s hair before he left without so much as a glance in Marvin’s direction. If Marvin glared at his retreating back, it was simply because of how furious he was at Whizzer’s sheer arrogance, and  _ not  _ because Whizzer was wearing something only a little longer than booty shorts.

 

If Marvin wanted to put Whizzer out of his mind and focus on making conversation with his son during the short car ride, he was out of luck. Once again all Jason wanted to talk about was Whizzer. How good Whizzer was at baseball. How funny he was. How he helped Jason actually hit a ball today-

 

“Hold on, you hit the ball? That’s amazing, kiddo, I’m so proud of you! You want to get some ice cream to celebrate?”

 

“I’m okay, Whizzer says if I can do it again he’ll buy me ice cream!” Great. The fucker had officially ruined all father-son bonding time that Marvin so desperately clung to with Jason. He let Jason prattle on, making a conscious effort to seem interested and to not let his intense dislike of Whizzer show, because Jason had so few people to talk to in school as it was and Marvin was genuinely happy that Whizzer didn’t seem to think that Jason was weird or hard to handle, unlike a few of his other teachers.

 

He dropped Jason off at Trina’s house and headed home, still fuming about Whizzer the entire evening. Finally, halfway through some brainless romcom that Marvin hadn’t been really watching anyway, he stood up abruptly, having had enough. Whizzer Brown was a jerk, and he was only a  _ temporary _ coach. Soon the old one would be back, and then Whizzer would be out of Marvin’s life forever. With that happy thought in mind, Marvin went to bed.

 

***

 

Marvin was surrounded by free samples of cake, and was quite frankly having the time of his life.

 

Charlotte and Cordelia, his next door neighbours and best friends, were engaged and getting married in a little under a month (they’d been planning this for nearly six), and today they were out finalising some of the details, such as the cake flavour. Marvin had managed to convince them to try a few more samples last-minute, and he was sure they saw right through his ruse to get free cake, but they’d let him. He’d already tasted dozens of samples, but Marvin was far from full. If he was honest, he didn’t really know why they’d invited him along. The couple were already satisfied with all their decisions, so there wasn’t even much to do, and it wasn’t as if they’d let Marvin take decisions for them anyway.

 

“You realise there is a point to this, and we’re not just here so you can stuff your face with cake?” asked Charlotte dryly, raising her eyebrow as Marvin picked up another sample. She snatched it away from him and he sighed resignedly. (He’d long ago given up trying to out-glare Charlotte).

 

“You’re not eating another piece until you give us an actual opinion, and  _ not  _ just a vague thumbs-up.”

 

Well, there was only so much they could indulge him, after all.

 

“I like the dark chocolate,” he said. There were about ten different flavours involving dark chocolate, but all Marvin knew was that the one Charlotte and Cordelia had chosen was definitely one of them. Charlotte rolled her eyes.

 

“Right, so no changes,” she said, turning back to her fiancée.

 

An hour later, they were all back in Charlotte and Cordelia’s apartment, several large folders, binders, and post-it notes scattered across the dining table where the couple was seated. Marvin was sitting on the couch and, like he did during most of his friends’ wedding planning, was trying not to think about his own disastrous one over a dozen years ago.

It had been an utter fucking mess, a sad standard for the ten years that were to follow, ten years of him acting like a self-centered maniac while Trina stood stoically in a corner and tried to act like she wasn’t perpetually having a nervous breakdown. And Jason… well. Marvin was slowly rebuilding his relationship with his son over the past two years since the divorce, but they still weren’t very close. He knew he hadn’t been the best father in the past, but he truly loved his son. He wanted his family to be happy. Trina certainly deserved better, and while Marvin wasn’t exactly thrilled that she’d married his old psychiatrist, at least she finally seemed to have some peace of mind.

 

Which left him wondering when he would find someone. He’d dated a few men here and there since then, none of his relationships lasting more than a month. Somehow it had all seemed much easier (and much more fun) when all he was doing was finding quick hookups in the bathrooms of gay bars. But a proper, loving, fulfilling, committed  _ relationship _ ? Like Trina and Mendel, or Charlotte and Cordelia? Marvin didn’t think he would ever truly find one, and was just about resigning himself to that fact. Did he even  _ want  _ one in the first place? Did-

 

“Hey Marv, you won’t be bringing a plus one, will you?” Cordelia’s bright voice cut through his thoughts.

 

Marvin turned to look at her. “What?”

 

“A date. For the wedding. You’ve practically been single ever since the divorce, so you won’t be bringing someone, right?”

 

Marvin suddenly felt extremely indignant. It wasn’t like he hadn’t dated  _ at all  _ since his divorce. Sure, half of them had been gone before they’d even gotten a chance to meet Jason (which was much better for all parties involved), but still. He  _ could _ have a date. He decided to voice that thought.

 

“Hey, I could have a date!”

 

Cordelia raised an eyebrow at him. (The lesbians did this a lot. Marvin sometimes suspected they were keeping score of how many times each of them raised their eyebrow or rolled their eyes at him. He’d tried to once but he very quickly lost count). “Really? You’re dating someone?”

Marvin felt his indignation rise. It wasn’t like he was  _ incapable  _ of finding love. He  _ could  _ be dating someone if he w _ anted  _ to, but he frankly just didn’t see the _point_ of it.

 

“I  _ could  _ be!”

 

“Yeah, hon, but you aren’t,” said Charlotte, not looking up from the files and folders on the table.

“I- yes I am!” Wait, what? No, he wasn’t. He should stop talking. What was he doing?

Charlotte and Cordelia’s heads both snapped up to look at him, surprise on both their faces, and that just fueled him to run his mouth off even more.

 

“Well it’s- it’s someone from Jason’s school and we didn’t say anything because we didn’t want to embarrass him!” Oh no. No. There was only one man at Jason’s school who was gay and everyone knew it- the man certainly made no attempt to hide it at all, and he really ought to shut up before they expected him to bring-

 

Cordelia’s face broke into a wide grin. “Marv! Honey! I’m so proud of you! I can’t believe you’re dating Whizzer Brown!” Charlotte was smiling too, although she looked a little more skeptical.

 

Oh god, they weren’t actually buying this?

 

“When did you guys start dating?” asked Charlotte. And that was the exact kind of perfectly reasonable question he couldn’t believe she was actually daring to ask him right now.

 

“I-“

 

“That doesn’t matter!” cut in Cordelia. Marvin could have  _ kissed _ her, feeling such a sudden surge of affection for his lesbian neighbour that he would have married her himself right then. “Oh, honey Jason  _ loves  _ him, you two shouldn’t be worried at all! I’m sure he’ll be  _ thrilled!  _ Bring Whizzer to the wedding! We’ll be too busy to properly meet him in the meantime anyway, you can tell us everything then!” she said excitedly.

 

“We’ll rework the seating arrangement, then,” Charlotte said. She smiled at him. “I’m happy for you, Marvin. I hope this works out.” And she sounded so  _ sincere  _ about it that it actually made him feel guilty. “And don’t worry, we won’t say anything to Jason until you’ve told him.”

 

Marvin grinned, while mentally kicking himself. “Thanks! See you at the at the wedding!” He got up and left with a cheery wave, but the moment he went back to his apartment he groaned and flopped down on his couch. God, he was an  _ idiot.  _ Why did he have to let his stupid pride get in the way of everything? He slapped a palm to his face and rubbed his hand down his cheeks and sighed. After wallowing in self-pity and irritation for a while, it came crashing down on him like an anvil and he was Wile E. Coyote that he’d have to  _ tell  _ Whizzer. He would have to go up to him- and the  _ only  _ time they met was after Jason’s baseball coaching- and actually e _ xplain  _ this situation, and then Whizzer would laugh in his face and probably get a restraining order. Hell, Marvin would probably draw it up himself, or get one of the interns at his law firm to do it.

 

Fuck.

Well, the night was still young. Maybe Marvin could go out and drink himself to death and get out of this whole situation.

Grabbing his keys and wallet, Marvin left the house and walked to the gay bar a few blocks from his house. It was conveniently close enough to his house for whenever he wanted a hookup, or for a night like this when he just needed to get out-of-his-mind drunk. Of course, Marvin was pretty sure he’d already lost his mind.

 

He entered the bar and ordered a Long Island Iced Tea. He sat nursing his drink and started to vaguely survey his surroundings, when suddenly his stomach dropped.

 

There, in a corner, with his unmistakeably fluffy hair and expensive, tight clothing, sat none other than Whizzer Brown. Marvin put his head in his hands and squeezed his eyes shut. He wanted to  _ scream. _ The universe was conspiring against him. He was going to die in a whirl of extreme embarrassment and hairspray.

 

Whizzer seemed to be alone (thank god for small victories), so Marvin forced himself to get up, clutching his drink tightly in his hand as he walked over.

 

“Hey,” he said as he sat down next to Whizzer.

 

Whizzer looked up at him, seeming surprised to see him. “Marvin? What the fuck are you doing here?”

 

“What, I can’t go out and have a drink?” This was already looking like the big mistake Marvin had known it was going to be.

 

“Yeah, no, I’m just not sure if this is the right  _ place _ for you to get a drink,” Whizzer said slyly.

 

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

 

“Marv, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but this is a  _ gay  _ bar.”

 

Marvin let a smile creep onto his face. “I know, Whizzer,” he said, speaking slowly and deliberately as if to a child. “You see,  _ I’m  _ gay.” Marvin felt extremely proud as Whizzer’s smug look slowly vanished.

 

“See what happens when you assume things?” asked Marvin, affecting an extremely smug tone himself.

 

Whizzer’s look of sincere shock was gone immediately, and he straightened his back. “Alright, you’re gay. Congrats, Marv. Now, what do you want?”

 

Suddenly Marvin was reminded that he was, in fact, an utter idiot, and that he might as well throw his drink into his own face now and spare Whizzer the trouble of wasting his in a few moments. In any case, throwing a drink at himself unprompted would probably be less bizarre and absurd than the words he was about to utter.

 

“Well, the thing is,” he started off, wishing more and more by the second that he’d never been born. “I, uh, I need a sort of favour…”

 

Fumbling, he explained the entire situation, not daring to look at Whizzer’s face.

 

“So the wedding is in a month, but we’ll be leaving a week earlier to sort of help out with the preparations, and I’ll pay for everything and I’ll even pay you extra for your time,” he finished lamely. Marvin finally made eye contact with Whizzer, his face growing hot at the incredulous look Whizzer was giving him. Neither of them spoke, and Marvin wished he could spontaneously combust. After the most tense and awkward two minutes of his entire life, he decided he couldn’t take it anymore.

 

“Ok so I’ve clearly gone insane, forget this ever happened, I’m so sorry to have bothered you I’ll just-“ Marvin stood up, intending to leave, when to his surprise Whizzer reached out and pulled him back down.

 

“So,” said Whizzer slowly. “You want me to pretend to be your date at a lesbian wedding in Greece, despite the fact that we barely know each other and the few interactions we’ve had aren’t exactly what you’d call ‘hitting it off’, and you’re asking me this at-“ he checked his watch “- 11:27pm on a weeknight at a gay bar where you came to- I don’t even know, but you get my point here, I presume?”

 

Marvin was seriously considering running away to fake his own death, assume a stolen identity, and move to Iceland to live as an isolated sheep herder. He could send Jason nice woollen sweaters for Christmas (anonymously, of course).

 

“I, um. Yes.”

 

“And you’ll pay for absolutely everything, including the food and clothes?”

 

“Well the hotel and flight tickets are already paid for by my friends and- clothes?”

 

“If I’m going to be attending a wedding I’ll need to wear something  _ nice _ , Marvin. Just because you clearly have no sense of what you wear doesn’t mean we all want to go around looking like a clown from the 1920s.”

 

“Wait, you’re saying yes?” Marvin didn’t know what was happening. He looked down. His glass was still mostly full, so he couldn’t be  _ that  _ drunk… unless he was drugged. Or dreaming. Or possibly dreaming in a drug-addled state. Why didn’t he just stay home and mope like he usually did?

“Temporary baseball coaches don’t make the big bucks, honey,” said Whizzer, sipping his drink. “I’m not going to turn down a free vacation.” He grinned.

 

Marvin gaped at him. For probably too long, but Whizzer just sat there and waited, savouring his drink in the meantime. Finally, Marvin regained enough of his braincells to process what had just happened.

 

“I- uh, um. Great, I guess? I’ll text you the details tomorrow.”

 

“Can’t wait,  _ sweetie, _ ” smirked Whizzer, turning away from him, scribbling his number on a piece of paper and shoving it into Marvin’s hand before turning away. Marvin understood the sign of clear dismissal and stumbled outside, called a cab and went home, where he poured himself another glass of scotch and sat on his couch staring dumbly at Whizzer’s number for an entire hour before finally going to bed.

 

Well. Either he or Whizzer was going to end up murdering the other in cold blood by the end of the trip, so at least he had that to look forward to.

 

-


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so just to tell you guys that updates are gonna be erratic bc my schedule at uni is pretty hectic. Please be patient, and don't worry, updates will definitely happen! As always, comments and reviews are much appreciated!

Marvin stared blankly at his case brief, rereading the same paragraph for the 5th time. He _could_ just pass it off to the interns and get _them_ to do all his reading and research, and god knows there were plenty of lawyers in his firm who did just that, only bothering to show up to court at the very end and take all the credit. Perhaps he was a little old-fashioned, but he preferred to do most of the research and draft up most of the arguments for his case himself. It was a habit that had proved useful when he was with Trina, as it meant he had more work to do and he’d had a legitimate excuse to come home late.

 

The present case, however, was mind-numbingly _boring_ , and he found his mind wandering. Naturally, his thoughts drifted to the most pressing issue at hand, which was the fact that somehow, by some great cosmic power (whether it was angelic and benevolent or the Devil himself, Marvin wasn’t yet sure), Whizzer Brown was going to be his date to Charlotte and Cordelia’s wedding. Which was in Greece. Where he and Whizzer would have to share a hotel room for an entire week. He could barely stand Whizzer the thirty seconds they spoke to each other whenever he had to pick Jason up from baseball, how was he going to survive an entire _week_ with the man?

 

And speaking of Jason…

 

Marvin was well aware that he would have to talk to Jason and tell him that he was ‘dating’ his baseball coach- perhaps the only human being Jason had formed a real connection with outside of home. Would he be upset? Even angry? Would he be embarrassed? Marvin’s biggest concern at this point was Jason’s reaction, above all else. Should he tell Jason it was just for show? No, that wouldn’t do. The kid probably wouldn’t understand why it was so important that Marvin have a date at all, and then he’d be stuck having to explain his own plethora of insecurities, which no child needed to hear about from his father.

 

Perhaps Jason would be more amiable to the idea if Whizzer was there to tell him too? But would Whizzer agree? It was a Friday, after all, which meant that Jason would be coming over to Marvin’s house around dinner time, to spend the weekend. Whizzer had so readily agreed to this outrageous plan, after all, surely he wouldn’t object to dinner at Marvin’s and to help him talk to Jason?

 

“Mr. Feinberg?” a voice asked timidly. He looked up to find an intern carrying a large file that Marvin did _not_ like the look of. “So you’d asked us to find precedents for you, and there was quite a large number of cases…”

 

“Good,” Marvin said, standing up and walking over. He took the file and flipped through it (which wasn’t an easy task, given how large it was), and then firmly gave it back. “Read them all in their entirety, please, and narrow it down to around ten previous cases with circumstances almost exactly similar to our current one.”

 

The intern’s eyes widened. “I- when do you want them, sir?”

 

Marvin was feeling a little bit sadistic. “Day after tomorrow. Get a few of the others to help you. Thank you- Alan, was it? Thank you, Alan. I trust you’ll do a good job.”

 

The intern scurried away, no doubt cursing Marvin with every breath. He couldn’t be bothered to care at the moment, not when he had so many other things to worry about. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the piece of paper that Whizzer had written his number on the previous night. Rubbing his hand wearily over his eyes, he pulled out his phone and added the number to his contacts. With a growing sense of dread, he started to type a text message.

 

_Hey, it’s Marvin. We need to talk, preferably in person. When are you free?_

 

He winced at the message as he hit ‘send’. It sounded _off_ to him somehow, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. Maybe he was just overthinking? He stared at his phone for another two minutes, but no reply came buzzing in. Was Whizzer having second thoughts about the whole thing? He did just agree to fly across the ocean to spend a week with virtual strangers, after all. Maybe he’d just been joking about accepting?

 

Marvin stared at his phone, his unease growing with every passing minute that Whizzer did not reply. Finally, he put his phone face down on his desk and turned back to his case brief. Maybe things would work in his favour, like he could be hit by a car on his way home and be put into a nice coma for a hundred years.

 

During his lunch break, he checked his phone to find a new message.

 

_That message sounds so ominous wtf. Anyway I’m busy until 5, come pick me up from school then._

 

Well, at least Whizzer hadn’t decided Marvin was some sort of freak and was still going to go through with this. Unless this was some elaborate trap and Marvin would show up to find two men in dark suits and sunglasses who would whisk him away and no one would ever hear from or see him again, but he didn’t really think it was likely that Whizzer had such connections. Then again, Marvin barely knew the man- maybe he _did_ have those connections. He was going to have to take a leap of faith on this one.

 

At five pm Marvin was walking from the school parking lot to the baseball… whatever (Jason told him what it was called at least once a week but Marvin never remembered). When he got there, he found Whizzer walking out of the coach’s locker room already out of his coach’s outfit and into his fancy clothes, and Marvin tried to not think about how Whizzer’s legs seemed to stretch for _miles_.

 

“Hey babe,” he greeted Marvin with a grin.

 

“You don’t have to call me pet names when there aren’t other people around, you know,” Marvin pointed out as they walked towards the car.

 

“Yeah but it seems to make you uncomfortable and I’m all for that, sweetcheeks,” Whizzer replied, smiling far too broadly and in a way that suggested he _knew_ it was getting on Marvin’s nerves.

 

“Well I’m glad one of us is enjoying _some_ aspect of this, at least,” Marvin grumbled.

 

“Oh, I’m also going to enjoy spending your money. In fact, let’s start right now. Take me on a date.”

 

Marvin stared at him. “What, now? It’s what, 5:30?”

 

“We can go grab coffee,” Whizzer shrugged. “Although I wouldn’t mind if you dropped me home right now and then picked me up again for dinner. You said we had to ‘talk’, after all.”

 

“I can’t, Jason comes over for dinner on Fridays and then spends the weekend with me.”

 

“Coffee it is, then, darling. Can I drive?” Whizzer asked as they reached the car.

 

Marvin glared at him. “ _No._ ”

  


“ _Fine_ , no need to be so rude about it. Don’t be mean to me, baby,” Whizzer teased as he got into the passenger side seat and tugged on his seatbelt. “Where are you taking me?”

 

“There’s a coffee shop nearby. And- um, I’m sorry if- I don’t mean to be rude, it’s very nice of you to agree to this whole thing in the first place and-“ Marvin heard himself start to ramble as his hands fidgeted on the steering wheel. He _didn’t_ want to be rude to Whizzer, who truly was being surprisingly nice (or at least civil) to him and Marvin really shouldn’t lose his temper over a bit of light teasing.

 

“Marvin,” Whizzer cut him off (thankfully, as sometimes Marvin didn’t know how to stop when he started rambling and then they’d have been stuck in that parking lot all night). “ _Relax_. Now drive.”

 

Marvin drove.

 

They reached the coffee shop soon, and they quickly found a table near the window. A bored-looking waitress took their order (one black coffee for Marvin, a chocolate cappuccino for Whizzer).

 

“I’m still very surprised that this is happening. I thought you’d call the police on me,” Marvin confessed. “You said it yourself, we haven’t exactly been good friends.”

 

“I’m curious,” Whizzer said. “I still think you’re a dick-.”

 

“Oh, the feeling’s mutual,” Marvin muttered under his breath.

 

“But I didn’t expect _you_ to be gay at all,” Whizzer continued, “Much less have fabulous lesbian friends who have destination weddings in Greece. I thought you were just another depressed, disgruntled divorcee.”

 

Marvin snorted. “Wow, aren’t you the epitome of niceness.”

 

“You certainly _dress_ like a depressed divorcee,” Whizzer said. He suddenly reached across the table and grabbed Marvin’s tie. “What is this, _w_ _ash and wear?”_ He asked, looking at the label on the back and wrinkling his nose in disgusted loathing as if it had personally burnt down his house.

 

“There’s nothing wrong with my clothes,” Marvin snapped, snatching his tie back just as the waitress came back with their orders.

 

“Of course _you_ wouldn’t see it,” Whizzer said derisively.

“We can’t all go around looking like a walking advertisement for Dolce & Gabbana, or whatever the fuck it is you wear,” said Marvin, growing more irritated by the minute. “How the fuck do you even afford this shit if you don’t make that much as a baseball coach?”

 

“I’m also a prostitute,” said Whizzer. Marvin choked on his coffee.

 

Whizzer grinned. “Relax, Marv, I’m kidding. I do have a side business though- as a photographer. I live in my studio to save on rent.” His smile turned more sly. “I also have a knack for getting rich losers like you to buy me nice stuff.”

 

Marvin put down his cup. “I’m not that rich, I’ve just been smart with my money.”

 

“Yeah, whatever hon.”

 

“Is there a lot of money to be made in prostitution?” Marvin asked, genuinely curious.

 

“I have no idea, but _I’d_ make a fortune.”

 

“Wow, someone’s confident,” scoffed Marvin.

 

“Oh please, darling, I’d be raking in _barrels,_ I’m a four-course meal,” Whizzer said haughtily.

 

Marvin snorted.“You are, at best, a decent appetizer that you’d eat too much of and then be too full for an actual meal.”

 

“So you admit that I’m a total snack, then.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

Whizzer laughed.  “Okay, okay, calm your tits, Marvin. Tell me about these lesbians.”

 

Marvin bristled at being told to ‘calm his tits’, but brightened up at the mention of his best friends. “Oh, you’d _love_ them. Charlotte’s a doctor and Cordelia has her own catering business. They’re the best people you’ll ever meet.”

 

Whizzer nodded. “You know, now that I think about it, Jason might have mentioned them once or twice. Once you can get him going, that kid sure does love to talk.”

 

Marvin suddenly quietened. Did Whizzer not like Jason? Did he not enjoy talking to him? Had he

just been playing nice all this time, merely humouring Jason? Marvin could take any number of insults to his own person, but if it turned out that the one man who’d actually managed to form any sort of connection with his son didn’t actually care-

 

“Hey, Marv,” Whizzer said softly. Marvin looked up at him, realizing he’d been staring down at the table for a full minute. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-“ Whizzer began.

 

“No, it’s fine,” Marvin said. He didn’t need Whizzer making excuses. He suddenly found himself with a sick feeling in his stomach.

 

“ _No_ , shut up and listen to me,” Whizzer said. “Jason’s a great kid, I _enjoy_ listening to him talk. Really I do. I know he… doesn’t exactly have a lot of friends, but I’m honoured that he talks to me. What I meant was that it’s amazing how once you get him to open up, you can see how brilliant he really is. You must be so proud of him.”

 

Whizzer spoke so sincerely that Marvin felt tears pricking his eyes as the knot in his stomach unwound. “I am _s_ _o_ proud of him,” he said. “Thank you, Whizzer.”

 

Whizzer smiled, the first genuine smile he’d ever given Marvin- one that wasn’t a smirk or a sneer. Marvin thought it was a good look on him. “Of course, having met you, I imagine all that comes directly from his mother,” Whizzer continued, and suddenly the smirk was back.

 

“Oh, fuck off. Speaking of Jason, though, I do have a favour to ask.”

 

“That’s an awful lot of favours you’ve asked of me in the last 24 hours,” Whizzer replied. “But if it

involves Jason, I might be more inclined to accept.”

 

Marvin opted to ignore the warm feeling that Whizzer’s last comment invoked in him. “The thing is, Jason doesn’t know that we’re- uhm- ‘dating’. I was, uh, going to tell him tonight when he comes over, and I was kinda hoping that… you’d be there too? I mean he knows you and he likes you so I don’t think he’ll mind having to spend a week with you- he might be more excited about you being there than me, actually, so….” Marvin trailed off, still nervous despite Whizzer’s reassurances that he was fond of Jason.

 

“Are we gonna tell him you’re lying so that you don’t look like a sad, lonely loser at your friends’ wedding, or do we want him to think the man he’s been complaining to about his father for the past 3 months is actually dating his dad?” asked Whizzer.

 

“He complains to you about me?”

 

“He complains to me about all of you, Marvin. Turns out I’m a better therapist than his stepdad. So, which is it?”

 

Anyway new-found affection that Marvin might have developed (not that it was a lot, anyway) for Whizzer in the past two minutes was suddenly gone (even if he was right about one thing- Mendel _was_ a shit psychiatrist). “We want him to think we’re actually dating,” he said, a little curtly.

“Sounds good to me. Pay the bill, sweetcheeks, I’ll wait by the car,” said Whizzer, getting up and leaving Marvin to decide that yes, he _did_ despise the man, no matter that he was Jason’s only friend. Jason should get better friends, who were _not_ attractive baseball coaches who ordered expensive coffee and generally drove Marvin up the wall.

 

***

 

“What is that, mac and cheese?” Marvin jumped a little as Whizzer suddenly loomed over him from behind, peering over Marvin’s shoulder at the stove.

 

“It’s Jason’s favourite,” replied Marvin. He’d once been _hopeless_ at cooking, but ever since moving next door to a caterer his skills in the kitchen had improved considerably. At least, he could now somewhat survive without having to order takeout for every meal. He’d perfected this mac and cheese recipe particularly for Jason- this and linguine (his own favourite dish) were the two things Marvin could make that he was actually proud of.

 

“Hey, mine too! Told you that kid was smart. Need any help?”

 

“Actually, I-“ Marvin had been about to ask Whizzer to set the table, but suddenly the other man’s phone buzzed and Whizzer abruptly disappeared from the kitchen with it. Marvin huffed in annoyance and turned back to the mac and cheese.

 

“Prick,” he muttered. Marvin felt that he was going to be doing a lot of mumbling and muttering-under-his-breath while in Greece, or at least every time Whizzer annoyed him, which was just about every minute they were in each other’s presence.

 

Marvin finished making dinner and set up the table himself while Whizzer lounged on the couch, staring at his phone and ignoring everything around him. Marvin walked over and flicked him on the back of the head.

 

“Ow! What was that for?” Whizzer yelped, looking up from his phone to glare at Marvin.

 

“You said you’d help and then just left to go stare at your phone!”

 

“I _didn’t_ say I’d help, I politely _asked_ if you needed help, and you as a gracious host were supposed to decline my offer and insist that I make myself comfortable instead.”

 

“Oh, so even though I _did_ want help, you decided to commandeer my couch instead?”

 

“Glad we’re finally on the same page, Marv!”

 

“You are _so goddamn-“_

 

“Hey Dad!” The front door opened and Jason walked in, carrying his bag. He plopped it down onto one of the dining table chairs and then turned to Marvin.

 

“Hey, kiddo! How was school?” asked Marvin, moving a little bit to obscure Jason’s view of Whizzer.

 

“The usual,” replied Jason, sounding bored.

 

“Great! Why don’t you go wash up and then come down for dinner?” Marvin could have been the greatest actor in the world, but he couldn’t fool his son. Jason gave him a suspicious look, he clearly knew that Marvin was hiding something. Nevertheless, he wordlessly grabbed his bag and then ran upstairs to his room.

 

“Are you going to try to hide me all night, or should I save you the trouble and whip out my magic invisibility cloak?” came Whizzer’s voice from behind him.

 

“The kid just got here, I just didn’t want to surprise him the moment he stepped through the door, that’s all,” Marvin replied.

 

“Are you going to start yelling at me for no reason again until he comes back?”

 

“I wasn’t _yelling_ at you, I was just-“

 

“ _Whizzer?!_ ” Marvin winced and turned around to find his son at the foot of the stairs, eyes wide as he stared at the two of them.

 

“Hey, kid!” said Whizzer cheerily, swinging his feet off the couch and standing up. “Good to see ya!” His grin stretched across his face and Marvin could see that it was genuine, which calmed his nerves a little.

 

“It’s good to see you too, Whizzer!” said Jason, more excited than he’d ever been while in Marvin’s house. “What are you doing here?”

 

“I invited him over for dinner, Jason,” Marvin began cautiously. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask you first, I hope you don’t mind?”

 

“Of _course_ not! But why? I thought you guys hated each other!”

 

Jason was a child of many talents and while certainly very smart and mature for his age, _tact_ was not one of his strong suits.

 

“That’s just the thing, Jason, we uh, _don’t_ hate each other.”

 

“It’s actually kinda- more the opposite?” Whizzer said. He moved closer to Marvin as he spoke, until they were side by side. “Because, actually-“

 

“The thing is-“

 

“Your dad and I-“

 

“Whizzer and I, are, uh, we’re-“

 

“Oh my god, are you guys _dating?”_ Jason burst out. Marvin was slightly relieved to not have to have said the words himself. He looked down at the back of the couch, and then up at Whizzer.

 

“Yeah. We’re dating. Is-is that okay?” He asked tentatively.

 

“But you guys _hate_ each other,” Jason repeated, sounding skeptical and surprised.

 

“We might’ve started off on the wrong foot, but over time we started to like each other more?” said Marvin. “And then one thing led to another, and now we’re dating.”

 

“I mean, where did you even _go?_ For like, dates? That random coffee shop near school?”

 

“Yes, actually,” said Whizzer, looking at Marvin and winking.

 

“Ugh, _Dad!_ You took Whizzer to that _coffee shop_ for your first date?” Marvin blinked indignantly. Jason had never taken such an interest in Marvin’s romantic life before, but suddenly now that Whizzer was involved Marvin’s romantic prowess was being criticised by his own 12-year-old son.

 

“I _know-_ turns out his taste in cafes is almost as bad as his taste in clothes,” said Whizzer, as he and Jason sniggered. 

 

“Wait, hold up, so are you okay with us dating?” Marvin asked. He needed Jason to be comfortable, even if this whole thing was a scam.

 

“ _Dad_ ,” said Jason, rolling his eyes.

 

“What _I’m_ not okay with,” Whizzer interrupted loudly, “Is that the mac and cheese is getting cold and I’m _hungry._ ”

 

“Me too!” yelled Jason. He excitedly ran to the kitchen, pulling out plates and cutlery.

 

Conversation moved easily throughout dinner, even if it was mostly between Jason and Whizzer. Marvin, for once, was _not_ in a panic about this whole thing. For once, he was relaxed, listening to his son and his supposed lover talking excitedly about some baseball game (well not really _listening_ so much as just watching- he couldn’t understand them anyway).

 

“So is Whizzer going to stay with us over the weekend?” Jason asked after dinner, catching Marvin by surprise. He shared a glance with Whizzer.

 

“I’m sorry, kiddo, but I’m not. Maybe some other time, okay? Marvin, I was hoping you’d drive me home?” Whizzer answered.

 

“Oh. Okay,” said Jason, although he sounded a little disappointed. Marvin, meanwhile, was more disgruntled about having to drive Whizzer to god-knows-where when a perfectly reliable and convenient subway system existed. Nevertheless, he supposed a good boyfriend would be nice and not make their significant other take public transport.

 

“Yeah, I’ll drive you. Get your coat. Jason, you’ll be okay on your own for a little bit while I drop Whizzer home, right?” He said, trying to sound like a nice and helpful boyfriend.

 

“Dad, I’m _twelve_. I’m not a kid anymore.”

 

“Kid, you could be thirty and you’ll still be a kid to me,” said Marvin, ruffling Jason’s hair as he grabbed his car keys. “Lock the door and don’t let anyone in, okay? Go to bed, I have the keys so I can let myself in.”

 

“I _know,_ Dad.”

 

“See ya later, Jace!” said Whizzer gave him a high-five and then they were out the door. Marvin waited until he heard the click of the lock, and then walked out to his car by which Whizzer was already waiting.

 

“Will you let me drive this time?” Whizzer asked, sounding hopeful.

 

“Again, _no._ Get in,” Marvin grumbled.

 

“Aw, why the long face, Marv? I thought dinner went well,” said Whizzer.

 

Marvin paused. “It did, actually. Thank you,” he said sincerely.

 

“That’s one person convinced, how many more to go?”

 

“The lesbians,my ex-wife, and her husband,” said Marvin as they both strapped their seatbelts on.

 

“Don’t worry, baby, we’ll be _sickeningly_ in love,” Whizzer cooed.

 

“Your face is sickening. Shut up and tell me where you live,” said Marvin, refusing to let himself get riled up by Whizzer’s teasing.

 

“Ten on ten comeback, Marv,” Whizzer cackled. “How will I ever recover, you’ve fucking _wrecked_ me-“

 

“Do you want to get home or not?”

 

“Alright, alright!” laughed Whizzer. “Just drive, I’ll give you directions as we go.”.

 

The drive progressed in relative silence, except for Whizzer’s directions every now and then. Finally, they stopped at a rather old and shoddy-looking apartment building.

 

“Thanks, Marvin,” said Whizzer, unclicking his seat belt. He paused for a second, his one leg out the door of the car. “You know, I actually had fun tonight. Maybe we _can_ survive a week together, provided your kid is always there to distract me with baseball talk,” he grinned devilishly.

 

Marvin groaned. “If I have to listen to baseball talk for an entire week, I _definitely_ won’t survive.”

 

“That’s a bonus!” said Whizzer, getting out of the car. “Bye, Marvie!” The door slammed shut and Marvin watched as Whizzer walked into the apartment, until he was out of sight. As he drove home, he mused on the day’s proceedings and how he’d had more conversation with Whizzer today than he’d ever wanted to have in his life. He and Whizzer were never going to be best friends, but the other man _was_ fun to talk to and perhaps there was more to him than Marvin had ever given him credit for.

  
Maybe they _could_ survive a week, after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case it wasn't clear, in my head and in this fic Marvin's a lawyer. I don't think that'll be very relevant to this story, but it's just my headcanon lol. I hope you liked it!! Please do leave a comment telling me what you thought!  
> You can follow me on twitter! I'm @dragonfudge


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof finally an update! Sorry it took a while but I've been super busy, I warned you guys that updates would be erratic! But they'll come along eventually, I promise. Thanks as usual to Eljay for beta'ing this chapter, and to Haley and Cassie for their inputs.   
> Enjoy!

They were not going to survive the week in Greece. In fact, they were not going to make it to Greece at all, because Marvin was going to murder Whizzer within the next fifteen minutes right out in broad daylight, in this ridiculously upscale and  _ posh  _ looking clothing store that Whizzer had dragged him to. Marvin would then get arrested, but he was sure that any of the hassled sales people working there who had had to deal with Whizzer for the past three hours would gladly be witnesses for Marvin’s defense.

 

Marvin was between cases at the moment, which meant he was leaving the office earlier than usual to go home and catch up on sleep, as if it was a commodity he could stock up on before the next case came in and he was once again staying up all night preparing. Today, Whizzer had texted him in the afternoon.

 

_ Come to the school around 4 sweetcheeks. _

 

_ You should really stop calling me that, even as a pet name it just sounds ridiculous and sarcastic. _

 

_ Mine own beloved, my heart yearns for you, come to the school at 4 and clear your schedule for the rest of the evening, my beautiful rose blossom. _

 

_ What do you want _

 

_ Oh so you like ‘rose blossom’ do you _

 

_ I really don’t but I don’t want you to come up with something even worse. What do you have planned _

 

_ ;) _

 

If Marvin had known ‘;)’ meant ‘we are going to spend over three hours at a clothing store so I can throw away your money on expensive suits that I definitely don’t need’, he wouldn’t have bothered to show up, but then again he had agreed to this already. He just sat in one corner, looking at his phone and grumbling, because Whizzer clearly knew what he was doing.

 

“Marvin, come here.” Marvin looked up. It was the first time Whizzer had addressed him since they had gotten to the store.

 

“Are you finished, finally?” Marvin asked.

 

“Not quite,” said Whizzer, grinning. There was an odd gleam in his eyes that Marvin didn’t quite like the look of. Marvin reluctantly got up, and Whizzer immediately whirled around, setting off in one direction of the store, clearly intending for Marvin to follow.

 

“What do you want?” asked Marvin once he’d reached Whizzer’s side.

 

“Come here,” Whizzer said. The attendant was holding an entire collection of suits, looking extremely frazzled. Whizzer just stared at them, glancing at Marvin every now and then and muttering under his breath.

 

“Whizzer, what do you want?” Marvin repeated, getting increasingly frustrated. He just wanted to go home and take a long nap.

 

“I  _ want  _ my date at this wedding to dress like someone whose wardrobe doesn’t make my eyes beg for mercy,” said Whizzer.

 

“I already have a suit picked out,” said Marvin. He didn’t need Whizzer picking out clothes for him like he was a c _ hild _ .

 

Whizzer scoffed. “I’m sure whatever abomination you’ve chosen would be perfectly suited- hey that’s a pun!” Whizzer grinned while Marvin rolled his eyes. “Anyway, perfectly  _ suited  _ for, I don’t know, being cut up into rags and used to wash a car or something.”

 

“Not your best,” Marvin said dryly. “And you haven’t even seen it yet!”

 

“My  _ point  _ is, I don’t need to see it, whatever it is I just know that they make people wear it for special occasions in hell as part of their eternal punishment, so I’m doing you a favour and getting you something nice.”

 

“I’m still paying for it,” Marvin muttered.

 

“You sure are, babe,” said Whizzer sweetly. He ushered to someone out of Marvin’s line of sight, and the next thing he knew he was being attacked by a man with measuring tape.

 

“Marvin, hold  _ still, _ ” said Whizzer impatiently. The other man, who was clearly the shop’s tailor, looked like he was just about ready to strangle Marvin with the measuring tape, so Marvin complied.

 

“Is this really necessary?” he complained. “There’s plenty of good stuff off the rack.”

 

Whizzer and the tailor both ignored him, leaving Marvin to rage quietly inside his head as he was measured. When the tailor was finished, Whizzer drew him aside, muttering and gesticulating while the tailor nodded along, occasionally making a note on a small notepad. Marvin decided that he didn’t want to know, he wasn’t going to worry about what horror Whizzer was designing for him until the damn thing was ready, not a minute before.

 

At the checkout counter, Marvin wearily handed over his credit card, staunchly not looking at the total amount written on the bill.

 

“Just tell me that I’ll still be able to pay for Jason’s college after this trip,” he said as he punched in his PIN on the card machine.

 

“Don’t worry, Marvie,” Whizzer grinned as he held out a few of his bags to Marvin (there were far too many for one person to carry). “You’ll make more money, big smart lawyer like you.”

 

Marvin sighed a sigh that he could feel deep down in his very soul. It spoke to him like the ghost of a long-lost ancestor, a deep, ancient sense of being  _ fucking done _ .

 

***

 

“We’re going to be late!” Marvin exclaimed for what had to be at least the tenth time. He didn’t care about being repetitive, however, because they were supposed to meet Charlotte and Cordelia and the others outside the airport before they took off for Greece and it was getting  _ late. _

 

“You’re such a  _ dad _ , Marv. Are you getting all panicky because we’re not going to make it to the airport 8 hours before?” Whizzer teased as he flitted around his apartment, finishing up his last-minute packing.

 

“I’m going to throw a suitcase at you,” said Marvin. As always in Whizzer’s company, he’d just been growing increasingly frustrated and annoyed with every passing minute, and he wasn’t entirely joking about the suitcase.

 

“A trip to the emergency room will only delay us further, Marvie,” retorted Whizzer,  _ finally  _ zipping up his suitcase(s).

 

“No emergency room,” said Marvin as he picked up one of Whizzer’s bags (see, he was being  _ nice _ ) and stepped out of Whizzer’s apartment. “Suffer on the plane.”

 

Whizzer let out an exaggeratedly offended gasp as he picked up another bag and followed. 

 

“That’s not at  _ all  _ what a loving and caring boyfriend would do, rose blossom,” he said, affecting the look of a kicked puppy.

 

“ _ Shut up. _ ”

Whizzer was still laughing as they loaded his luggage into the car next to Marvin’s own, and then finally they were off.

 

The ride progressed in relative silence, Whizzer putting in headphones and staring out the window, leaving Marvin alone with his thoughts. To say he was nervous about Whizzer spending time with his family was an understatement. Although Whizzer had already met Trina, Mendel, and Jason, they didn’t actually know him that well (except for Jason, who admittedly had spent more time with Whizzer than Marvin himself). Charlotte and Cordelia hadn’t met him  _ at all, _ and only knew about him from Marvin’s grumpy rants that tended to pour out whenever he had more than one glass of wine.

 

Marvin didn’t really need them to like Whizzer. Hell,  _ he  _ didn’t like Whizzer. But he didn’t want them to hate Whizzer so much that it gave a bad impression of  _ him _ , for ‘dating’ Whizzer. He didn’t want Whizzer to blow their cover. He couldn’t stop thinking about the million things that could go wrong with this, and how  _ embarrassing  _ it would be if it all came crashing down on him.

 

“Well, the good thing is I already know your family,” Whizzer stated casually, sounding far too calm in contrast to Marvin’s racing heartbeat. “Or maybe that’s a bad thing, they know there’s nothing wrong with me that I’d actually date  _ you. _ ” He grinned that infuriating grin of his and Marvin rolled his eyes.

 

After leaving his car in the airport’s parking garage (which charged  _ far  _ too much, but Marvin didn’t want to think about it and make himself cranky for what was going to be a very long plane ride), they finally stepped into the airport and looked around for Marvin’s family.

 

“Marvin!” an excited voice called out behind him, and Marvin felt all his annoyances- caused by Whizzer, the traffic, the garage, Whizzer- all melt away as he turned to greet his friend. Cordelia barreled into his arms and he couldn’t help but grin.

 

“And you must be Whizzer!” she squealed, stepping away from Marvin to throw her arms around Whizzer instead. Whizzer looked a little taken aback to suddenly find himself with an armful of blonde lesbian, but he quickly recovered.

 

“The one and only,” he said, smiling broadly. “And you must be… Cordelia?”

 

Marvin watched her face light up and felt very proud of himself for telling Whizzer enough about his friends that he could recognize them without ever having seen them before. By this time the others had made their way over, Charlotte holding a sleek plastic folder in her hand that contained all their boarding passes.

 

Contrary to Whizzer’s disbelief, they truly were running short of time, so after a few brief introductions they all headed to the security check-up. The line was already pretty long, and Marvin groaned to himself. He  _ hated  _ standing in lines.

Whizzer was standing behind him, and Mendel was behind Whizzer. Marvin had warned neither of them about the other, so he figured he’d at least have some entertainment while waiting in this godforsaken queue by eavesdropping on them. Maybe he’d get lucky and Mendel would bring up c _ rocs.  _ He snickered to himself, imagining the look on Whizzer’s face if someone dared to mention crocs in his presence.

 

“You know, when people giggle maniacally to themselves for no reason it’s usually not a good 

sign,” remarked Whizzer casually.

 

“You know what’s not a good sign?” piped up Mendel. Marvin grinned to himself.  _ Here we go. _

 

“I don’t know, Mendel, what?” Marvin asked innocently.

 

“A sign that says ‘STPO’!” Mendel declared, clearly proud of himself. “Get it? Because of the typo?”

 

There was a pause.

 

“You know, Mendel,” Whizzer began, in a voice that suggested he was revisiting some childhood horror, “I think you’ve told me this one before.”

 

“I have?” Marvin couldn’t be bothered to turn around, but Mendel sounded crestfallen- which was  _ brilliant. _

 

“That’s okay! We’re going to be in this line for a while, I have more jokes!” Mendel said delightedly, having quickly recovered. While normally at this point Marvin would hatch a plan to loudly announce that Mendel was smuggling upwards of 100 pounds of weed on him to get him dragged away by TSA agents, the thought of Whizzer having to suffer the brunt of this provided a sweet, sadistic glee.

 

So Marvin spent the next hour cackling quietly to himself (the TSA agent kept giving him odd looks for it) while Mendel told ‘dad-joke’ after dad-joke to an increasingly baffled and irritated but still trying-to-maintain-civility Whizzer, starting each joke by loudly calling out Whizzer’s name multiple times first. Even Marvin was beginning to reach his saturation point, but luckily they got through security before he had to hear “Hey, Whizzer!” for the 123 rd time.

 

Finally, they got past the gate to board the plane, where Marvin firmly didn’t notice how the male flight attendant checking their boarding passes smiled a little too widely at Whizzer.

 

Charlotte and Cordelia had procured the seven of them first class tickets, but Marvin just realised as they boarded that Whizzer’s seat was a little away from the rest of theirs, presumably because his had been booked later. He himself would be sitting next to Jason. He didn’t really mind, he was looking forward to these few hours of bonding time with his son.

Jason, it seemed, had other ideas.

 

“Hey, dad,” Jason began, in a tone that let Marvin know some great scheme was being concocted in that pre-teen head, “You should be sitting with Whizzer.”

Marvin had a pretty good idea of what Jason was up to. “No, that’s ok, Whizzer’s a big boy, he can sit by himself.”

 

“Yeah,” joined in Whizzer. “I’m a  _ big boy.” _ He smirked at Marvin, who decidedly ignored him and whatever the fuck he was trying to imply with that.

 

“Don’t you want to sit with me?” He asked Jason, almost imploring.

 

“Of course I do, Dad! But you should be with Whizzer! It’d be a good chance for you guys to bond! I don’t mind taking his seat.”

 

And there it was. Jason just wanted to sit alone, away from annoying adult supervision. Marvin sighed.

 

“And-and I don’t wanna split up anyone else either, it wouldn’t be fair, so I’ll just sit alone and I’ll be okay.”

 

“Hard to argue with that logic,” muttered Charlotte.

 

“I don’t think Jason should be-“ Trina began indignantly.

 

“-I won’t  _ really  _ be alone anyway, because we’re still all in first class, and there won’t be too many people here, and-“ Jason cut her off, clearly not willing to budge on this. Marvin was both impressed and exhausted by his son’s stubbornness, a trait he had clearly inherited from Marvin himself.

 

“Excuse me, but could you all please be seated? You’re in the way of the other passengers,” said a flight attendant, a female one this time, in that polite tone of flight attendants that said ‘I might s _ ound  _ nice right now, but be aware that I am fully prepared to stuff your body into the overhead cabin if I have to.’ They all quickly scrambled to their seats, and in their hurry Jason managed to snag what was supposed to have been Whizzer’s. As far as Marvin was concerned, there was no need to worry, because Jason was right, he was in full view of both Marvin and Trina, and therefore wasn’t truly alone. Still, he could feel the heat of Trina’s glare on the side of his face as Whizzer sat down next to him.

 

“Hey,” Whizzer said, poking him in the elbow. “Switch seats with me.” There were only two seats on each end of the aisle, and Whizzer had the aisle seat. Marvin thought this worked out well, as Whizzer had such impossibly long legs that stretched for miles and miles and miles and-

 

“Oi, Marvin. Move. I want the window.”

 

Marvin sighed and switched places. Whizzer immediately peered out the window, staring around in fascination.

 

“You know that’s just the runway, right? There’s nothing to see yet,” said Marvin, faintly amused.

 

“Shut up.”

 

Marvin left him be. When the plane took off Whizzer gave out a soft, barely audible gasp as they took to the air, his face pressed against the window in a child-like glee.

 

“Marvin, that’s  _ beautiful,”  _ Whizzer said softly, staring as the earth beneath them became less road and houses and more stretches of green land and trees. “It’s kinda like when you zoom out on a map and the smaller details go away until you just have one large landmass that you can vaguely identify,” he murmured. “No matter how many times I fly I’m always fascinated.”

 

Marvin watched him quietly. Whizzer already had his phone out, snapping pictures with his brow slightly furrowed in concentration. It was actually adorable, how enraptured he was. Once the aircraft settled itself into the air and there was nothing but vast expanse of cloud, Whizzer sat back in his seat, scrolling through the pictures he’d taken.

 

Then, Marvin’s phone buzzed in with a text from Charlotte.

 

_ Give Whizzer my number. It’ll be easier to coordinate things. _

 

Marvin silently forwarded her number to Whizzer, who simply nodded in acknowledgment, eyes still glued to the screen. He then looked around. Apart from their group, a number of assorted men in suits that looked far too expensive and yet also far too bland (which even Marvin could tell, he wasn’t  _ completely  _ hopeless at fashion, thank you) were scattered around the cabin. Jason was sitting next to one of them, playing something on his phone that Mendel, across the aisle from him, kept craning his neck to try and see. The lesbians were talking quietly to each other, and Trina seemed to be asleep.

 

Which was a very good idea, actually. It was a 13-hour flight, and Marvin was more than prepared to spend the entirety of it asleep. After all, Jason wasn’t going to be talking to him, he could hardly talk to anyone else without getting up from his seat, and he didn’t very much feel the need to talk to Whizzer. The man was typing away furiously on his phone, anyway. So Marvin found himself slowly drifting off, letting the blissful blanket of sleep wash over him-

 

_ “Marvin!!” _ Marvin found himself being shaken awake by Whizzer, who was looking extremely amused by something-which immediately put Marvin on guard. Anything that amused Whizzer couldn’t be good news for Marvin.

 

“We’re about to land, rose blossom,” said Whizzer. “You actually slept a whole  _ thirteen  _ hours. Congratulations.”

 

“It’s a carefully cultivated talent,” muttered Marvin, his voice hoarse from sleep as he straightened up in his seat. “What have you been doing?”

 

“Charlotte, Cordelia, and I follow each other on Twitter and Instagram now,” Whizzer replied. “Do you even know what those are?”

 

Marvin glared at him.

 

“It’s just- you know, given how  _ old  _ you are, you’ve practically been around since the dawn of time, you were there when the first cavemen discovered fire and invented the iStone-“

 

Marvin couldn’t hold in a snort at that. Whizzer looked immensely pleased with himself. As they departed the plane, Whizzer kept up an endless stream of the many ancient historic milestones Marvin must’ve borne witness to, and eventually the others overheard and joined in delightedly. They kept it up all the way through baggage claim, and until they left the airport and got into the cab that would take them to the hotel, with Marvin being too groggy from sleep to say a word in his defense.

 

“You know, if I’ve been around and seen all these things, it clearly means I’m also the  _ wisest  _ and most knowledgeable out of all of you,” Marvin pointed out, finally.

 

“Nope,” said Trina, who was very eager to join in on the Marvin-bashing. “You’re getting senile, Marv. You can’t remember anything anymore.”

 

“Dad, dad! Do you remember me? Dad! I’m your son!” cried out Jason in mock concern as they got into the SUV that the lesbians had arranged for.

 

“Oh, shut up,” Marvin grumbled, accepting defeat as the others laughed.

 

_ Well,  _ he thought, watching the buildings speed by on the way to their 5-star hotel,  _ at least they’re all getting along. But then again,  _ he wondered as Whizzer gave Mendel a high-five for a joke that Marvin hadn’t been paying attention to,  _ is that really such a good thing? _

 

***

 

Marvin stared at their hotel room as it was only just dawning on him that there was one very serious situation that he’d overlooked.

 

He’d known, of course, that as a couple, he and Whizzer would be sharing a room. What he’d completely forgotten, however, was that they’d also be expected to share a  _ bed. _

 

Whizzer burst into laughter. “This isn’t funny,” Marvin scowled.

 

“Well, the situation in itself isn’t  _ that  _ funny, but just- you were so  _ surprised _ ,” Whizzer said, still giggling. “You told them we were a couple, Marvie, what did you expect?”

 

“I- I didn’t really think of-“ Marvin stammered.

 

“When do you  _ ever _ ?” chided Whizzer. “Well, come on then, I promise I won’t hog the blankets. Well. I promise I’ll  _ try  _ not to hog the blankets.”

“I’m  _ not  _ sharing a bed with you,” Marvin stated firmly. Having that lean, lithe body next to him all night was not something Marvin wanted to think about, and a scenario he felt he  _ shouldn’t  _ be thinking about. Not when he and Whizzer weren’t actually dating, at least. It was just too much.

 

“Aww, come on, sweetcheeks, it’ll be fun,” Whizzer teased. “If you’re lucky, I might even sleep nude.”

 

Marvin made a strangled noise in the back of his throat, causing Whizzer to laugh again. That mean, downright cruel laugh, if you asked Marvin. Whizzer was a terrible person and Marvin  _ hated  _ him and the things he was currently making Marvin imagine.

 

“ _ Relax _ , Marv, you look like I offered to kill you.”

 

(Marvin would have preferred that option, actually).

 

“Anyway, I don’t. Sleep nude, that is. Look, I’ve brought pajamas and everything.” Whizzer dropped to his knees and unzipped one of his suitcases. It was neat and well-arranged, unlike Marvin’s, which were full of haphazardly thrown, half-folded clothes. Whizzer had no problem at all locating his pajamas, toothbrush, and a black sleep mask- whereas Marvin didn’t even know which of his bags contained his night things. Or even if they were all in the same bag.

 

“Wow, how reassuring,” he said, rolling his eyes. “I’m still not going to sleep with you.”

 

“What  _ are _ you going to do, then?” Whizzer demanded. “You can’t ask them to send up another bed or mattress, Charlotte and Cordelia are being billed for this and they’d know, and they’d ask you if something’s wrong between us, and you can tell them all about your ingenious ‘Pretty Woman’ scheme. Or do you plan to sleep on that tiny sofa all week? You’re short, Marvin, but even you aren’t, like, baby-sized.”

 

“Thanks,” Marvin said dryly. But he had to admit Whizzer had a point. There really was no other option. “Fine,” he sighed, he pulled out his luggage and started searching for pajamas.

 

“That’s the spirit!” Whizzer said, grinning widely. He picked up his toothbrush and went into the bathroom. By the time he came out, Marvin had somehow managed to locate his things.

 

“How the  _ fuck  _ are you so disorganized? Have you always lived like this?” Whizzer asked, gaping at the mess in Marvin’s suitcase.

 

“Trina used to do all the packing for me,” Marvin mumbled, somewhat ashamed of himself. He was not proud of the man he used to be, and even though he was genuinely trying to be better, he was sometimes painfully aware of all his shortcomings.

 

“Fuck, you really are a fucking asshole, aren’t you,” said Whizzer, an underlying note of amusement in his voice.

 

“Shut up,” Marvin muttered. After a lot of rummaging that made his suitcase even messier than it already was, he finally found his things, and went into the bathroom to brush his teeth and change. When he came out again, Whizzer was already curled up in the bed, swathed in the blankets with only his head peeking out. Marvin had to admit he looked kind of adorable. (That was the second time in the last 24 hours he’d thought of Whizzer as ‘adorable’, was something wrong with him?)

 

Mentally steeling his resolve, he climbed into bed next to Whizzer.

 

“Hey Marvie,” said Whizzer softly.

 

“You’ve  _ already  _ stolen all the blankets,” Marvin said in response, reaching out and tugging the material out of Whizzer’s grasp and pulling it over himself.

  
  


“Can’t promise that I won’t steal them back,” said Whizzer, his ever-present cheeky grin plastered on his face.

 

Marvin rolled his eyes and gently nudged him with his foot under the covers, and Whizzer responded with a full kick to Marvin’s shins.

 

“ _ What the FUCK??” _ Marvin exploded, bolting upright and pulling his leg out from under the blankets to check for bruising. “Whizzer I’m going to fucking  _ murder _ you, I’m going to  _ strangle  _ you in your sleep tonight you  _ fucking-“ _

 

A choked off sound from next to him interrupted his furious raving and he looked over at Whizzer.

 

The bastard was  _ laughing.  _ He was literally shaking, laughing so hard that no sound was coming out except for an odd sort of wheezing noise. Marvin’s vision was beginning to go red.

He grabbed a pillow and moved over Whizzer in an attempt to smother his smug face with it- god, Marvin  _ hated  _ him- but Whizzer pushed him off and sat up, still giggling.

 

“Okay, okay! I’m sorry Marvie but the  _ look  _ on your  _ face _ -“

 

“You know what, forget it, I’m telling Charlotte and Cordelia we broke up, you can get the fuck out of here, I don’t fucking need this.” Marvin pushed the blankets off of himself and moved towards the edge of the bed.

 

Perhaps Whizzer noted the genuine anger in Marvin’s voice, but he immediately stopped laughing, the grin fading from his face as he reached out and grabbed Marvin’s arm, stopping him from getting up.

 

“Hey, wait, no. I’m sorry. That was maybe, um, not called for,” Whizzer said, his tone apologetic (but only, Marvin insisted,  _ slightly _ so).

 

Marvin snorted. “ _ You think?” _

 

“I’m  _ sorry.  _ Come back to bed, please? I’ll let you have most of the blankets,” Whizzer said, as if he was offering up his firstborn child.

 

Marvin sighed and settled back into bed, petulantly hauling a substantial amount of blanket over to his side.

 

“This won’t change the fact that my leg still hurts, you know,” Marvin said pointedly as he lay down again.

 

“Aww,” said Whizzer, his smirk slowly returning as he lay down as well, grabbing whatever bit of blanket Marvin had left for him. “Want me to kiss it and make it better?”

 

“Goodnight,” Marvin grumbled, reaching for the light switch next to the bed.

 

“Goodnight, rose blossom,” chirped Whizzer as the darkness engulfed the room. Maybe Marvin would strangle him in the middle of the night after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic should be called 'How Many Cliche Fic Tropes Can I Fit Into One Multichapter' tbh. I've tagged it 'self-indulgent drivel' and self-indulgent drivel is exactly what you're gonna get :)   
> Please leave a review! You can also follow me on twitter, my handle is @dragonfudge.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long gap between the updates but I DID warn you guys. Thanks as always to Eljay and Haley for helping me through this!  
> 

Marvin woke up feeling warm. Warmer than he’d ever felt in years. He didn’t even want to open his eyes, he wanted to just sink into that warmth and stay in it for a long, long time. He burrowed deeper in his blankets, and suddenly something bony was poking into his face and his eyes shot open.

It was a shoulder. A shoulder covered in soft, silky pajamas. A shoulder that belonged to none other than one Whizzer Brown, who- Marvin suddenly realised- he was currently _cuddling._ No joke, Whizzer was fully _in his arms_ , facing away from Marvin. Marvin bolted upright, careful not to wake Whizzer, staring down at the sleeping man in shock. Thankfully, Whizzer didn’t stir, didn’t seem to notice that he’d been the little spoon with a man he was only pretending to date. Marvin quickly showered, got dressed, and headed downstairs for breakfast, hoping that Whizzer truly was fast asleep and that he’d be none the wiser when he woke up.

The lesbians were in the hotel restaurant having their breakfast too when Marvin got there. He piled up his plate with bread rolls and joined them at their table, glad for some company that wasn’t Whizzer.

“Good morning, Marv, settled in?” asked Charlotte.

“Yup. It’s a lovely place, you guys. The wedding is going to look beautiful,” Marvin said. He really was very much looking forward to the wedding. He’d only known Charlotte and Cordelia for two years, after moving next door to them after his divorce, but they’d gotten very close in that time. In fact, they were the ones who had truly helped him fully accept his sexuality as he continued to struggle with it after the divorce, and Charlotte had even pointed him in the direction of a better therapist. Marvin cared about them deeply and, his frustrations with Whizzer aside, he wanted to have a good time and be there for his friends on their special day.

“Aww, thanks Marv. It certainly better be, we’ve been planning this thing for months,” said Cordelia, smiling softly at her girlfriend. Marvin, still riled up from discovering he’d inadvertently spent the night spooning with Whizzer, felt his heart melt a little as he watched them. He wanted a love like that, the kind that made you happy so early in the morning even before you’d even had coffee.

“So, how’s Whizzer doing?”

It was funny how the mere mention of the man immediately turned Marvin’s mood. He took a big gulp of coffee, subconsciously rubbing the bruise on his leg from where Whizzer had kicked him. “Oh, he’s.. uh, he’s fine. He was still asleep when I woke up. I didn’t wanna disturb him, it was a long plane ride,” he said, keeping his voice carefully even.

“As if you’d know,” said Charlotte, grinning. “You were asleep the  _ entire  _ time. I’m actually impressed.”

Marvin shrugged. “As I told Whizzer, it’s a carefully acquired talent,” he smiled back.

“We actually started getting to know him a little while you were asleep,” Cordelia said, sounding excited.

“Oh yeah, he mentioned something about you guys following each other on Twitter or something.” This time, Marvin couldn’t keep a little edge slipping into his voice.

“Aww, don’t be jealous, Marv.” Cordelia patted his hand patronizingly, smirking. “We’re not going to steal him away.”

“I did want to congratulate you, though,” remarked Charlotte. “He seems quite a catch, Marvin, certainly much better than some of the other men I’ve had the unfortunate opportunity of meeting on the elevator while they tried to sneak out of your apartment.”

Marvin coughed, quickly bringing his coffee cup up to his face and trying (and most definitely failing) to hide behind it. “So, do you guys like Whizzer, then?” he asked, a little nervous.

He looked up from his coffee to find identical broad grins on their faces, making him if anything more terrified.

“Oh, honey he’s  _ wonderful!” _ trilled Cordelia. “He’s  _ so  _ funny, we were texting practically the entire plane ride!”

“He’s exactly what you need, Marvin,” said Charlotte. “I’m sorry I ever doubted you, I’m so glad you brought him along!”

Marvin grit his teeth and smiled and thanked them and laughed along, all the while seething on the inside. First Jason, now Charlotte and Cordelia? Whizzer Brown was slowly taking away all the people who meant anything to Marvin, and he did it so  _ effortlessly  _ with his easy charm and his stupid, pretty smile. And then after this wedding when Marvin and Whizzer ‘break up’, everyone was going to be  _ mad  _ at him, because by the end of this week everyone would come to like Whizzer more than they ever liked Marvin, and then they would all leave him and he’d be all alone and-

“And he  _ really  _ likes you, I can tell,” said Cordelia, throwing Marvin off his self-destructive spiral that was bound to lead into a shallow grave of self-pity. He stared at her.

“Yeah, he really does, Marv,” agreed Charlotte, and now Marvin was  _ really  _ confused. Cordelia he might’ve excused as a sort of overly sentimental romantic (which he loved about her, make no mistake), but Charlotte too? Was Whizzer that good of an actor? Marvin might have to ask him to tone it down-

“I’m really happy for you, Marvin,” continued Charlotte, her voice softening as she laid a hand over his. “I genuinely hope this works out for you guys.” Beside her, Cordelia was nodding, giving him a similar soft and proud look of her own.

“I-um, thanks you guys, that’s really-“

“It’s my favourite lesbians!” Marvin was saved the embarrassment of having to splutter through an appropriate response to being told that the man he hated whom he was only pretending to date was most definitely the love of his life, when said man suddenly pulled up a chair next to Marvin and sat down on their table.

“You’ve only known us for like, a day,” Cordelia laughed.

“I’ll be honest, I don’t know a lot of lesbians,” Whizzer said, feigning sheepishness. He stole a bread roll off Marvin’s plate and Marvin tried not to make his responding glare too obvious.

“I was a little disappointed to find you’d gotten out of bed already when I woke up, Marvie,” Whizzer continued, in an innocent voice that immediately put Marvin on guard. “This breakfast is great but I was thinking of putting something else in my mouth this morning,” he winked.

Marvin choked on his own spit while Charlotte and Cordelia burst into laughter.

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t understand that,” Marvin said firmly, trying to save face and hoping they wouldn’t all notice how red his face had gotten.

“Marv, you look like a fucking tomato,” Whizzer laughed. (So much for hoping). “Any redder you’d look just like that hideous square tie you have.”

“Oh my  _ god  _ I hate that tie  _ so much _ ,” gasped Cordelia. “That tie is a hate crime.”

“Fuck, wait, I think I know the one you’re talking about,” joined in Charlotte. “It’s a rectangle of pure evil.”

“Yes!” exclaimed Whizzer. “ _ Thank you!” _

“It’s not  _ that  _ bad,” Marvin muttered under his breath.

“Marv, babe, you better thank the stars that ‘fashion police’ aren’t a real thing, or you’d have been put away for life for that tie and none of your fancy lawyer stuff could’ve saved you,” said Whizzer firmly. “In fact, I’m not entirely sure you can’t be arrested for that anyway. It’s a threat to public peace and decency.”

“Oh, shut up.” Marvin glared at him.

“Oh,  _ someone’s  _ sensitive all of a sudden,” smirked Whizzer, teasing.

“So, boys, any plans for today?” asked Charlotte quickly before Marvin could fire back a retort. “Unless you’re planning to stay in all day, of course,” she said suggestively, shooting a sly smile at Whizzer.

“Actually, I was planning to maybe just take a look around the locality,” Whizzer responded. “I brought my camera along, I was hoping to take some good pictures.”

“Oh, I didn’t know you were into photography!” said Cordelia, looking intrigued.

“Yeah, I was a full-time photographer earlier, but I wasn’t making enough so I applied at the school.” Whizzer grabbed a napkin and wiped his hands as he spoke.

“Well if Marvin had told us earlier that he had a photographer boyfriend we wouldn’t have hired someone else! Marv, you know how long it took us to find a photographer for our wedding!” Charlotte said, looking at Marvin accusingly.

“I-“

“Oh, it’s not his fault,” Whizzer cut in. “I mean it usually is 100% his fault, whatever it is, but this time the issue was that I wasn’t sure if the school would give me time off to come to the wedding at all. I’m still really surprised they did.”

“And we’re very happy about it,” smiled Cordelia.

“I’m happy I could come too,” replied Whizzer.

There was a pause for a moment, Charlotte and Cordelia finished their breakfast while they all sat in comfortable silence.

“Marvin, what you planning to do for today?” asked Charlotte.

“I don’t know, I might just sit in the room. I have a little bit of paperwork left to email to the office.”

“You better not get bogged down by work during our wedding, Marv, or I swear to god…“ Charlotte said threateningly.

“I won’t!! Just this little bit left and then I’ll be totally free, I promise!”

“Good. And don’t forget we’re all having dinner tonight,” piped up Cordelia. “That goes for you too, Mr. Photographer,” she said, gently poking Whizzer’s arm with a fork.

Marvin winced internally. He  _ had  _ forgotten about dinner. Charlotte and Cordelia had planned out the whole itinerary for the week and had already given it to the rest of them ages ago. Tonight they were going to have a big dinner in the hall where they’d be having the wedding dinner. There was going to be music and dancing and Marvin would be expected to do things and not just sit in a corner and sulk, as he usually did at parties. He didn’t  _ want  _ to, because he loved his lesbian friends and wanted to have a great evening with them, but he just wasn’t a party person.

Whizzer, on the other hand, was already excitedly talking to Cordelia about it. Clearly,  _ he  _ was looking forward to socializing and drinking and talking to people and was probably going to be the life and soul of the party. And Marvin would, once again, be the sad loser in the corner whom no one wanted to talk to. How fun.

“Hey Marv,” said Charlotte, a little softly, speaking only to him. “It’s just us. Don’t worry about it.” Cordelia, still talking to Whizzer, shot a little smile in his direction.

He smiled back at them. Of course, one of the main reasons he’d fallen in love with Charlotte and Cordelia was that they  _ understood.  _ They’d both always been extremely kind and warm to him, and suddenly he didn’t care even if Whizzer did upstage him. He was here for his best friends’ wedding, and he was going to have a  _ wonderful  _ time.

Eventually, they all finally got up from the table and went back to their rooms. Whizzer grabbed his camera and then left, simply telling Marvin that he’d be back some time in the evening, which left Marvin alone for the rest of the day.

He really wasn’t in the mood to do paperwork, so he turned on the T.V. in the room and aimlessly flicked through the channels, knowing all the while that it was a pointless exercise. He barely ever used his own T.V. at home, he certainly wasn’t going to find anything interesting to watch in Greece. He finally opened up his laptop after lunch.

He stared at the screen, knowing he only had a few hours in which to finish his work before he’d have to get ready for the dinner. Unsurprisingly, he couldn’t concentrate. He somehow pushed himself through a few pages of documents, each as mind-numbingly boring as the last. Newsflash, kids: working in a law firm was nothing near as fancy and dramatic as ‘Legally Blonde’ made it out to be.

He found his mind wandering to that morning. Waking up with an armful of Whizzer had been a deeply traumatizing experience, but what really scared him was that, actually, when he really considered it, it had been… nice? Before he’d realised what was happening he’d felt more warm and content than he’d ever felt. His first instinct had been to burrow deeper into that warmth, he’d wanted to wallow in it forever. It had been  _ nice.  _ Whizzer had smelled good too. Marvin didn’t remember much, but there had been slight traces of Whizzer’s hairgel, his cologne, the hotel’s shampoo, and just a certain freshness about him even that early in the morning. It seemed odd to say it, but Whizzer had sort of…  _ fit.  _ As if they’d been cuddling together regularly for ages. It had felt so  _ natural _ , so  _ right. _

And that was the thing, Marvin was  _ not  _ a cuddler. He’d barely ever touched Trina in bed, always trying to stay as far away from her as possible. Even with the other men he’d slept with who on occasion stayed the night, Marvin had  _ never  _ woken up cuddling  _ them. _

So what had happened with Whizzer?

Marvin was immensely glad that he’d been the first one to wake up that morning. He couldn’t imagine how  _ horrifying  _ it would have been if Whizzer had woken up first. He didn’t even want to  _ think  _ of what Whizzer’s reaction would have been. Marvin could barely look the man in the eye now, as it was.

In all honesty, Marvin was finding himself becoming more comfortable with Whizzer. They’d gone on a few ‘dates’ together before they left, in order to get to know each other better and to get their stories straight in case people started asking them questions about each other. Marvin found that he could sort of.. relax in the other man’s presence, as crazy as that sounded. There was no pressure on him to make Whizzer like him, because he knew that Whizzer  _ didn’t  _ like him, and he didn’t really like Whizzer. They both knew what they were doing and why they were doing it, as well as what was expected of them in this.

But did that really explain what happened that morning? (Or, to be precise, the previous night?) No, Marvin decided, that wasn’t it. It wasn’t like he truly let his guard down around Whizzer anyway, he felt like he always had to be ready for some sort of attack. (Usually an attack on his appearance, but Whizzer was versatile in that way, he was always happy to attack Marvin on  _ anything _ . Truly a man of many talents).

Marvin glared at the bed as though he could make it tell him its secrets. In all honesty, that was probably it, right? The bed. It was comfortable, more comfortable than Marvin was used to, and perhaps he and Whizzer had both been intending on grabbing one of the large, fluffy pillows in their sleep and had accidentally stumbled onto each other instead. That was it.

Satisfied, he tuned out the little voice in his head that sounded like one of his pesky interns trying to dump a large case file on him that kept telling him the answer wa _ sn’t  _ that simple. He finally turned back to his paperwork, somewhat more ready to give it more of his focus this time.

***

Dinner was actually going well. Charlotte had been right, Marvin had had nothing to worry about. There were other guests from the hotel in the hall, but they kept to themselves. The music was nice, the atmosphere was mild, and Marvin had had about just enough wine to relax. Conversation had been steady but not forced, even Jason was talking to him, and Marvin was  _ thrilled  _ about it.

Once they’d all eaten, people slowly started to move to the dance floor. It was in the style of a ballroom, and couples were waltzing and swaying and the general vibe of the place was sort of like something out of a 60’s movie, which Whizzer joked was ‘right up Marvin’s alley’ before he wandered off somewhere, staring at his phone. Marvin let himself slip into a peaceful buzz kind of headspace, happy to be with his family (the lesbians  _ definitely  _ counted as family. He loved them far more than Mendel, for sure).

Until Charlotte and Cordelia suddenly materialized in front of him with looks on their faces that immediately summoned the ever-present ball of anxiety that always lurked somewhere in the depths of his stomach.

“Hey, Marvin, everything is.. going okay with  you and Whizzer, right?” asked Charlotte, looking concerned.

Marvin stared at her, confused. “Yes? Why wouldn’t they be?” He’d personally thought they’d been doing a wonderful job of keeping up the charade. Weren’t these two rambling about how perfect he and Whizzer were for each other just this morning? Did one of them let something slip?

“Well, I’m not sure how to put this delicately, honey, but you’re usually more…. um.. affectionate?? With your dates?” said Cordelia, clearly trying to be tactful. Marvin was getting more baffled by the minute. He’d  _ never  _ been particularly lovey-dovey with anyone, he had no idea what she was talking about.

“I have  _ no  _ idea what you’re talking about,” he said, looking back and forth between the two of them. “I- it’s only been a few weeks since we got together, and um, we’re not really sure yet-“

“Oh for god’s sakes, I’m just going to say it,” Charlotte said exasperatedly. “Look, Marvin, we share a wall. We know you’re not exactly shy with your dates. Not to be intrusive, hon, and not that we’re complaining per se, but why the fuck have we not caught you two trying to eat each other’s faces off yet?”

That’s when it hit Marvin. He and Whizzer had never kissed. No wonder Charlotte and Cordelia were suspicious.

“Oh.  _ OH _ . Well, the thing is, you see,” Marvin stammered, trying to think of a good enough excuse for him to not be kissing his own boyfriend. His eyes scanned the room in desperation and landed on his son.

“Jason! We don’t want to embarrass Jason,” he finally said, mentally congratulating himself. Of all the lies he’d come up with in the past month and regarding his ‘relationship’ with Whizzer, this one was probably the most plausible. “Whizzer  _ is  _ his teacher and practically his best friend at school, so I wanted to be extra careful not the freak the kid out, you know?”

Charlotte and Cordelia seemed to relax a little. “Oh! That makes so much sense!” Cordelia exclaimed. “We’re sorry, Marv, we didn’t mean to pry- I mean we certainly don’t  _ miss  _ the PDA- we were just a little worried for you two.”

“Nope, nothing to be worried about!” He laughed nervously.

“It’s very sweet of you to think of Jason,” Charlotte said. “I think we’ve been keeping you too long, Whizzer keeps looking over here,” she nodded and smiled to someone behind him- Whizzer, no doubt.

They smiled and waved at him, heading off to another corner of the room. Marvin nervously waded his way across the dance floor to Whizzer, grabbing a glass of wine from a passing waiter on the way.

“You were gaping like a fish out of water out there, what happened?” asked Whizzer, scrolling through his phone.

“It was.. nothing,” Marvin decided. “Nothing important.”

“Uhuh, if you say so, Marvie,” muttered Whizzer, not really paying attention. They stood there for a while, Marvin sipping his wine and trying to not to look too awkward while Whizzer kept his eyes fixed to his screen. Unfortunately, without Whizzer’s annoying snark to distract him, Marvin’s mind started wandering.

He was going to have to kiss Whizzer at some point. In view of the others. Because they would expect him to, because Whizzer was supposed to be his boyfriend and people did things like kiss their boyfriends. They also did a lot more, but thankfully no one else wanted proof of  _ those  _ things. But kissing was expected.

Marvin wasn’t really sure how he’d kiss Whizzer. Would it be chaste? Would they just start making out behind a bush for Charlotte and Cordelia to walk in on them? He didn’t even want to kiss Whizzer in the first place, just as he didn’t originally want to share a bed with him, and he  _ definitely  _ hadn’t planned on spooning him. Even if it had been really, really nice.

“Jesus, Marv, your brainwaves are going haywire and messing with my phone signal here, what’s got you so riled up?” Whizzer said, finally looking up from his phone at Marvin.

Marvin took a deep breath. He might as well explain the situation. After all, he was sure Whizzer wasn’t looking forward to kissing  _ him  _ either. Perhaps together they could work something out.

“Nothing, it’s just… they’re wondering why they’ve never seen us kiss, and I managed to brush it off saying it embarrasses Jason because you’re his baseball coach but I think they’re getting suspicious,” Marvin murmured, watching Whizzer slip his phone into his pocket.

“Good thinking,” Whizzer muttered back. He put his hands on Marvin’s shoulders and started to sway slowly, neither of them really paying attention to the music.

Marvin looked up at him and glared. “Did you not hear what I said? They’re starting to think something’s up. They’re both too fucking smart, they’ll figure it out soon enough and then our covers blown and then-“

“Marvin, calm the fuck down,” Whizzer said. Marvin’s voice had risen slightly, talking about it out loud had let the panic seep in. “Ok, look. Come here.” He slowly led them to the back of the room, and then looked around and ducked his head.

“Ok, so you said we don’t kiss in public so we don’t embarrass Jason, right?”

“Yes.”

Whizzer looked around again. He bent his head until his face was inches from Marvin’s. “This spot we’re in right now, Charlotte and Cordelia have a clear view of us but nobody else does. It looks like we’re hiding, like we’re trying to be inconspicuous, and only those two can see us but it looks like we aren’t aware of that,” he whispered.

“Ok, but what does that have to do with anything?” hissed Marvin. He was starting to get impatient now. How did Whizzer even know that anyway? Was that what he’d been doing the past half an hour, scoping the room for blind spots while pretending to be on his phone? What the fuck was he even talking about?

Whizzer was standing way too close to him, close enough that Marvin could see the way his eyelashes fluttered when he blinked, he could feel Whizzer’s soft breath on his face and his warm hands on Marvin’s back. He smelled even better now than he had in bed, his cologne was stronger but not overbearing. His hair had some kind of gel in it, but it still looked soft and pretty and  _ very  _ inviting. Whizzer looked somehow even more gorgeous this close- Marvin hadn’t gotten a good enough look that morning, he’d been too shocked- and it just wasn’t  _ fair _ , his lips were so  _ close  _ and it would be the easiest thing in the world to just-

“So we can do  _ this _ and make it look real,” said Whizzer softly, and Marvin wanted to scream at him for being so cryptic, what did that even  _ mean _ -

And that was when Whizzer kissed him. His lips were impossibly soft and warm, and he tasted sweetly of wine, and Marvin found himself melting into him and kissing back. Marvin moved his hand up to the back of Whizzer’s head, pushing his fingers through that gorgeous, thick, fluffy hair, and wrapping his other arm more securely around Whizzer’s waist. Whizzer took Marvin’s face in his hands as he deepened the kiss, and Marvin was all too eager to go along. Purely for  _ authenticity  _ purposes, he told himself, and  _ not  _ so he could enjoy the way Whizzer’s soft hair felt under his fingers, or the way Whizzer’s hands felt against his skin, or the way their tongues were sliding against each other. They were just putting on a show so that Charlotte and Cordelia wouldn’t think he was a sad loser. That was  _ all _ .

All the same, he couldn’t help but feel a pang of loss when Whizzer finally broke the kiss and pulled away- too soon, Marvin thought. Perhaps they should do it again, just to make things more convincing-

“You’re not a bad kisser, Marvie,” said Whizzer teasingly, moving slightly away from him and letting his hands fall down to Marvin’s shoulders again. “Heads up, lesbians coming our way.”

“Get a room, boys!” said Charlotte as she approached, although she was grinning widely. “In fact, you don’t even need to  _ get  _ one, we’ve already paid for one, so please use it and don’t try to upstage our wedding.” She winked at them and then waltzed away with a giggling Cordelia.

Marvin and Whizzer laughed, and Marvin realised he was feeling slightly light-headed. He supposed he’d had too much wine.

“I think I  _ do  _ need to get back to the room, actually,” he said, suddenly feeling exhausted. “I think I need to get some sleep.”

“You okay?” Whizzer asked him softly, frowning in concern.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,” Marvin replied, giving him a weak smile. “Too much wine, I think. Goodnight, Whiz.”

“Goodnight, Marvie,” said Whizzer, a familiar smirk back on his face. “I’m going to miss you, rose blossom. Try to save me more blankets tonight.”

“No promises, sweetcheeks,” Marvin shot back. Whizzer blinked in surprise at the pet name. Stealing the smirk he’d just wiped off Whizzer’s face, Marvin turned and started to head back to their room, spending the entire walk and elevator ride there trying to push down the multitude of feelings suddenly cropping up inside him. As he lay in bed in the dark, staring at the walls, he finally decided he really was too drunk to deal with any of them, and he slowly drifted off to sleep, dreaming of fluffy brown hair and warm hands. He wouldn’t notice when Whizzer tentatively crawled into bed beside him later that night, and he would realise only much later that Whizzer’s look of surprise had perhaps also been mixed with some other emotion, something stronger and far more confusing, as he’d watched Marvin walk away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eee first kiss!! I hope you guys liked it, please tell me what you think in the comments!!


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